The Life of a Newly Wed

I'm going to be moving my blog to http://herecomesbabyrogers.blogspot.com/ because i'm going to make it open for our family back in Texas.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say something I may or may not regret later.......Call me crazy but I think we might we pregnant with twins. My reasoning....My numbers are so high and they are more in the "twin range" than the "singleton range." I guess we will find out on Tuesday when I go in for an ultra sound.

I go in for blood work tomorrow and the number has to be over 4,000 and then I will deff. get an ultrasound sound on Tuesday.

Anyone want to take this bet with me? ha.

I've done a semi bad thing.....but I can justify it by saying that if it helps my sanity then it will help the baby right?

I went and had my blood done again, even though I know I wasn't suppose to go again until Wednesday. I have been soooooooo nervous thinking that something is wrong and I need to know if something is wrong. At this point I don't even care if I have to pay out of pocket for it, it will make me feel so much better going into the weekend.

Last night I could have sworn that I saw a bit of blood but It could be my mind playing tricks on me.

Why can't I just be naive like a lot of pregnant people and think nothing will go wrong. Why can't that be me?

Oh well, I know I've done a bad thing but if it makes me feel better which in turn helps me calm down for the baby, I would do it again in a heart beat.

Beta #1: CD 23, 10DPO: 15

Beta #2: CD 27, 14DPO: 257

Beta #3: CD 30, 17DPO: 1148

I will update when they call.

Each morning that I have poas, the line is getting darker and darker and showing up much sooner! This is a good sign!! I'm actually getting a little excited about this.

My mom came in yesterday and we're having a good visit. I told her yesterday that we were pregnant again and she is super excited.

I will blog all about my trip and my mom's visit when I get a chance on Wednesday.

Oh, and I went for blood work on Friday and my HCG was only 15 and when I get it taken on Tuesday it needs to be over 60! Keep your fingers crossed for us.

We're pregnant again. I tested today at 10DPO and the line showed up pretty fast. It's light but totally there. Mark could even see it this time which he was never able to last time.

I'm going to try to get in for blood work today so I can make sure things are going okay. Please keep us in your prayers since we are, needless to say, super nervous this time around.

This is second best thing to seeing "pregnant" on a digital test but for right now, this will work! I am sooo beyond elated that my body has this whole ovulating thing figured out after my m/c back in January.

Needless to say, I don't have to tell you what Mark and I will be up to the next few days before I leave for my trip. I was so worried that I was going to ovulate late or not ovulate at all this cycle knowing that I was going to be out of town for a week and potentially ruin our chances at making a baby this cycle.

I can not even begin to tell you how much I want to have a Thanksgiving baby. With the way the cards are aligned this month, I will be due on Thanksgiving Day. What a neat due date, huh! I realize that I have put the cart before the horse this month but I have to try and stay optimistic.

We got pregnant so easy the first time and I truly believe that we just had really bad timing last month. Hopefully since we will have amazing timing this month, it will happen again just as easily. I'm not sure how many more months of this whole TTC thing I can take any more. It is driving me bonkers. I can't remember what my life was like before I was peeing on sticks twice a month, and it's only been three months!


In other news, I leave in less than 3 days for my trip. I am so freaking excited. My poor Dad is a nervous wreck about me going. I almost cancelled my trip because he is just worried that something terrible is going to happen to me. I keep trying to tell him that everything will be okay but I am Daddy's little girl and like he says, it's his job to worry.

Alrighty, I'm going to finish watching The Bachelor, After the Final Rose.

DH's best friend is driving me up the f*in wall!!!!!! Come on noon tomorrow so I can drop his ass off at the airport and not have to see him for another 6 months.....I may punch him in the face tonight if he's a dick like he was last night.

That is all for now. I had to get that off my chest.

I'm nervous. I'm not sure why but I am. I want a baby. Mark wants a baby. I have this horrible fear that I will not be able to give that to him. I thought I was doing better emotionally but that all came crashing down last night. While we were laying in bed I just lost it. I'm suppose to be 10 weeks pregnant and almost into the second trimester and where do I sit now, on the bench just waiting.

I am praying that I will ovulate around the same time as I did last month. (the days in Feb and March are the same on the calendar, ie, the 1st is a Sunday) so there for I should ovulate next Tuesday or Wednesday which is great because that's right before I leave for my trip. I am going to have to make sure that I sleep during this trip because I think that really messed my body up this past month. Mark wasn't home this past month on the day I ovulated and I pulled two all nighters and I think that messed me up. I have already told myself that I will be using Tylenol PM on the plane to Lisbon.

There is nothing more heart breaking to have one of the strongest men in my life tell me how much he wants a baby and I know that I was not able to keep what he wanted. I really do blame myself a lot for what happened. I know that in theory that is very unlikely but I still can't help but feel guilty.

Well I'm going to finish watching The Bachelor. Have a good night.

Kate

What a good weekend it has been! Friday night Mark and I had Eric over and I cooked a very yummy meal consisting of grilled chicken, fresh green beans and herb red potatoes. It was so very very yummy! We watched Dangerous Bangkok which was an okay movie.

This is Lisbon, Portugal.

This is Seville, Spain.

I'm so excited to go. I have never been overseas so this will be a first for me. The weather is going to be in the 60's in the days and 50's at night so it will be beautiful!

The only draw back to the trip is that we leave on the 5th which is the day I'm suppose to ovulate. Guess we'll just have to get up really early that morning.

Have a great day!

So I found out through the grapevine today that the CBS station I worked for in Dallas has flipped formats and a lot of good people are out of a job. I feel really bad for these people because the radio/TV world is such a hard world to get a job in and these people will probably have a really hard time finding a new job. When I worked for the station, they were struggling but I figured since they had just celebrated their 2 year anniversary, things were going better.

Tonight Eric is coming over and I'm grilling chicken, making home made green beans and baked red potatoes with herbs...Yummy! Then tomorrow night I'm going out with Candice (a girl that Eric is sorta dating) for dinner, shopping, and a Sing Sing which is a dueling piano bar. It will be fun!

now why I was on the pill. HOLY HELL CRAMPS! It's currently 4AM and I have been up about half an hour or so and I finally came downstairs because Mark has a full day of meetings tomorrow so I don't want him to be tired for that. When I went to bed last night I knew AF had arrived and even made a comment to Mark that I should have taken some Tylenol. Man am I eating my words now.

I need my Naproxen Sodium! Guess what I don't have.....my Naproxen Sodium. When I was in HS I had cramps so bad I would have to stay home from school. I'm thinking that if I can't hack cramps I will never be able to hand being pregnant.

I was a little sad last night that we didn't get pregnant this month but at the same time we weren't technically suppose to try so I will feel much better about next month.

Well I'm going to finish watching Toddlers and Tiaras. This show kills me.

Have a good one.

I WILL NEVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER BUY ANOTHER HOUSE FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mark and I are still trying to sell our house in Ft. Worth and we have an amazing new realtor who happens to be a great family friend. Here's the problem. Mark and I are going to loose about $10,000 when we finally do sell it and there are 17 houses for sale in our neighborhood. Our neighborhood only has about 50 houses in it. UGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

This economy can suck it!

Okay, bitter rant over. Now, Mark and I are going to test drive a Tahoe because we are part of the population that is stimulating the economy due to Mark's great job. We are blessed.

I have been super sad today and I'm pretty sure it's because I have gotten 4 negative test and I think AF is well on her way. I really really wanted a Halloween baby...or hell...just a baby in general. I keep trying to stay positive but I should have had a positive by now, or so I would have thought.

I have some of the some symptoms as last month but I'm sure it's just my head being really mean. Ugh. Come on positive or AF. I'm driving myself nuts.

Hae a great day.

Well I hope everyone had a great V-day. So Mark gave me his card when he finally woke up yesterday, at noon! He had warned me that I would understand the card and that he had kinda screwed up. How do you screw up a card? That's idiot proof. Nope, not if you are my husband.

So I start reading the card and get to the end where it clearly says....Happy Valentines Day to My Husband! Way to go Mark! Only my husband would buy a card for his wife that says to my husband. Gotta love him!

It's official also, we are getting a new Tahoe. I have wanted one of these since they came out! Mark isn't crazy about the third row seating because it looks like it will rattle when up. It will still be a few months before we make the purchase.I'm so glad Mark is finally on board with my Tahoe. He was so sweet yesterday at the car show...when I would ask him what he like he would say, I don't care, it's your car, you get what you want. Someone over heard him say that and said what a great husband he must be.

Also, the NBC affiliate was at the car show and I casually approached them and striked up a conversation with one of the weather men and a sales coordinator and ended up with her e-mail so I could send her my resume. I sure hope it pans out to be something!.

Have a great Sunday!

When we do have a baby, we are going to need a bigger car then my current TrailBlazer. Right now it's hard for us to drive back to Texas with all three dogs and me and Mark so there is no possible way that we would be able to add a baby and all the things that go along with a baby to the mix. We will probably end up purchasing our Tahoe back in Texas because here in PA, large SUV's are not all that popular. Here, A dealership might have two on the lot....vs. Texas where there are 10-15 on every lot. Who knows what we will do. We are lucky enough to be surrounded by Ohio, West Virginia, New Jersey and New York so we will look into which state we can get the best deal in.

I hope everyone has a great Valentines day.

Amanda, Me, Lindsey before we started

The view. It was amazing.

Lindsey and I on the lift.

Amanda and I on the lift.

Lindsey and I again.

And again.

And again.

Amanda eating lunch in the lodge.

On the top!

Can you find me? Lindsey was kind enough to take me on a black. Ugh.

The sweet note left on my car from the guys who parked behind us. They were so sweet and way gay! They were very good skiiers and one was wearing shorts!

Lindsey and I in my yard.

Building a snow man.

The bottom!

Lindsey building.

The final product.

OKay, that took forever! I will post more later.

Right now, it is currently 3 degrees where I live. Wonderful! I'm so tired of the cold. The bright side though is that it is suppose to get up to 50 here this weekend which is amazing! I can't wait. Any time that it goes about freezing I pull out the flip flops! When you are use to being int he 20's, the 50's is almost equal to 70's in Texas.

Amanda and Lindsey aren't going to believe me when I tell them that it really is cold here!

Mark called around 11:30 last night and they got the job done. This is the first job in Williamsport to go all the way through! He and Eric are are there way home as we speak which is great. He said that he's not going into the office today and wants to spend the day with me. Woo Hoo. He wont be so excited about that though when he is running the vacuum from Hell. (My vacuum has seen it's better day and I want a dyson so I refuse to buy another $150 vacuum that will just crap out on my in a few months)

I probably wont be updating much this weekend since the girls are going to be here. I will be back Sunday/Monday-ish with lots of pictures I'm sure!

Have a great weekend!

Kate

Meet Me, Kate. I am the only one who will ever post to this blog so you will always be able to guarantee that I am the words of the blog.

Next we have our parents because lets face it, without them, Mark and I would not be here!

Mine are on the left, his are on the right.

Now for a better picture of my parents.....

And Marks parents......This picture pretty much sums it all up!

And of course I have a little brother, I am just lacking on pictures of him. Once I find one, I will post it!

You have been warned, there are lots of pics in this post!

Oh where oh where did my husband go, oh where oh where could be be?

These are the flowers my MIL sent me when we lost the baby. She's so sweet.

This is my amazing friend Stephanie (who was also in my wedding). She called me today out of the blue just to tell me that she missed me and wanted me to come back to Texas. That always makes me smile. She got married three weeks before Mark and I(BTW, Holy Cow my hair was LONG)

The two with the arrows over their heads are coming tomorrow and I could not be more excited. We are going to go skiing on Friday and we're planning on having an amazing weekend. Lindsey comes in at 9:00Pm and Amanda at 11:30PM.

Lindsey (The one on the right) and I have been great friends since I was a sophomore in high school. We have had our ups and downs and most of the time we don't live close to each other but she is an amazing girl and an amazing friend. When we bought the house in Ft. Worth, we were 10 minutes away and literally lived on almost the same road. It's sad that she is so far away and I can't be for there for her.

Amanda and I have a funny story on how and where we met. I met Amanda in December of 2004 in Denver, CO. She was at a national conference that I was at for APO (Alpha Phi Omega). My school, Texas Tech, and her school, Texas Lutheran, ended up hooking up and spending a lot of time together. We had a great time over the few days we were in Colorado and I didn't talk to her again until the Fall of 2005 when she came to Texas for graduate school. She had had so much fun with us in Denver that she wanted to come to Tech. We have been great friends ever since!

My next post is going to be a fun one! I'm going to introduce you to who I am and who my family is! This may help to make my blog a little more personal.

The Midwest Region of RESOLVE is holding its Annual Family Building Conference on Saturday, February 21st in Minneapolis. http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=mwest_conference_2009_about

The conference includes:

FREE giveaway -- over $20,000 of prizes to be given away (including 2 IVF cycles, half off an adoption study, and much MUCH more!!)
19 infertility and adoption workshops
FREE expert advice from Reproductive Endocrinologists, Adoption Agencies, Alternative Therapy Practitioners, Attorneys, Psychologists and other fertility and adoption specialists
Keynote speaker Michele Tafoya, one of the most respected reporters in television sports, will share her experiences with infertility and adoption
Largest conference of its type in the Midwest

Here We Go, Steelers, Here We Go, Pittsburgh Won The Super Bowl!!! Today was a great day! Wanna know why? Three Reasons:

1. It's my 23rd Birthday.

2. I got a positive on my ovulation test!

3. Pittsburgh Won!

What more could I want?!?!

Oh and my two best friends are coming in four days!!!!!

Happy Birthday to me! I am 23 today and will be spending my birthday watching the Super Bowl at a bar that I'm not so fond of. Oh well, my birthday has a tendency to fall on Super Bowl Sunday more often than not. The last time it happened was in 2004 so every 5 years? Not to bad I guess. Mark is on his way out to buy me my card and flowers because he screwed up and forgot. We had a huge fight about it last night and he realized he messed up. He even baked me a pink funfetti cake. Yummy.

Yes. That is the word I would use to describe me today. Stuck. Why you ask? My lovely Trail Blazer will not make it up the hill that we live on. I had a whole list of errands to run today and here I am, stuck at home. After several attempts to make it up the hill, I decided to hang my head in shame and accept defeat. Want to know the worse part? I just saw a Camry make it up the hill. Really? A Camry can make it and not my SUV? After this winter, Mark and I will be investing in an SUV for me with 4X4.

Here are some pictures I took of all of our snow. We have about a foot on the ground and it's still coming down. There is no way in hell Mark is going to be able to make it home tonight. He's probably going to have to park at the bottom of the hill and walk home. We live up a set of three pretty steep hills.

Today has been filled with lots of laundry, as was yesterday. I must admit, I just finished laundry from our trip to Texas a month ago! I know I know, I get an F this month in being a housewife. If there is one thing I hate more in the world than anything else is hanging up clothes. I finally have all the clothes washed now I just have one more load to hang up. Part of my issue with hanging up the clothes is that all of our clothes do not fit in the closet.
It's about 1/4 of the size of the one that we came from which was also to small. (that's the whole closet! two tiny little rows. UGH! I do love all of the shoe cubbies though)

This is the closet we came from. Oh how I miss my walk-in closet!

Any who, in preparation for Lindsey and Amanda coming up here next week, I have been washing all of the linens on the extra beds and towels and all of those things that we normally don't use. (Now, keep in mind we do use towels but we pretty much use the same 3 or 4 so they never make it to the linen closet and the ones in the linen closet haven't been washed since we moved in, because they haven't been used)

On our bed, Mark and I have the most amazing down comforter and it's the biggest pain in the arse to wash. Not to mention that I don't have my awesome king size capacity washer and dryer in this house. They are in storage in the garage. A whole hell of a lot of good they are doing for me there. Can you feel my frustration in not having my great appliances and having to use the ones that came with the house? These people left the appliances behind because well, they can't get them out! Lovely eh?

Dinner was great last night with Samantha. The roads were TERRIBLE going to dinner but they were much better coming home. It's always better when the snow plows have gone through and cleared and salted the roads. The hostess spilled a cup of water on Sam so she got her meal free. She didn't get to wet so it was all good.

Mark is on his way home and it will be nice to have him home. I've got a beef stew medley in the crock pot and it smells amazing! Yummy! Hopefully his drive back here will be a safe one. He has to go back next Tuesday for work but I have finally been able to concur one of my biggest fears... last night I slept upstairs in my own bed when Mark wasn't home! That's a huge thing for me because if you know me or read one of my first post, I have a MAJOR phobia of this. Now granted, all three dogs slept with me till about 6am but it was still nice.

I have been so tired lately and I'm not sure why. We are only on CD 8 so there's nothing to chalk it up to right now.

Any who, hope you all had a great day.

Have a good one.

Kate

I have a new follower and I'm so excited! It's the little things in life that excite me.

I would just like to say one week ago today my world came crashing down and here I am, a week later, with my head held high, starting down this TTC road again. I must say that I think Mark and I are closer now than we have ever been. I know I have said it before but if you have never been down this road, there is no way in the world to comprehend the feeling. Mark and I are going to be a stronger couple for what we have been though. The only thing I have left from the pregnancy is a bruise on my arm where I had my blood drawn a week and a half ago.

I have learned though this experience that even though I have amazing friends, some of them just don't know what to say in the situation that Mark and I are in. My two best friends in the world did the usual I'm really sorry thing but beyond that, not a lot. One of them hasn't even brought it up when I talked with her on the phone. I guess it's one of those things that they just don't know what to say. Mark explained it as it's one of those things that if someone you breaks up with their significant other, you aren't going to keep bringing it up. I guess he's right to some level.

I am finally able to go into our guest bedroom. This is the room that will be the babies room (if we are still living in this house). The reason that it was hard to go into was because the day we found out I was pregnant we took a lovely shopping trip to Target and while we were there we went through the baby section and they were having some great clearances on some really nice items and figured, what the heck, why not get a few things. One of the items that we purchased, and foolishly put together was this:

Part of me wanted to take it down and hide it in the closet but I want it to be a reminder of what is to come in our lives (hopefully soon).

Tonight I'm suppose to go to dinner with Samantha, weather permitting. Right now it looks like a total blizzard. I shoveled the snow on the drive way last night (about 4 inches) and within a few hours it was all back. Yuck! Mark had to drive up to Williamsport today to get water and acid samples and of course, it could not be a worse day to go! FYI: Williamsport is about 4 hours away from us in the northeast portion of Pennsylvania. Good thing he is riding a long with another guy he works with because he doesn't have 4 wheel drive.

Speaking of total blizzard, our satellite just went out. UGH. I now know why no one here has satellite. IT SUCKS!

Have a great day!

Kate

and really didn't have a whole lot of information to give me since she doesn't know what my blood levels were and what not. Oh well, it was worth a shot! She did say though that they normally make you wait one cycle for dating purposes.

I also think I might know what the problem was with this pregnancy. I had a "period" the first week of December and then again the third week of December, there for, my lining would not have been that great. I have to stop making up my own theories.

My head tells me that we should try again this month but my heart says there is no way it could go through this again. We will see what happens.

As for now, I'm watching the Bachelor. This show makes me feel so much better about myself! Some of the ladies on here make complete fools of themselves, just like the one sleeping in the tent right now, total whore.

Any who, I'm going to finish the show. Have a great evening.

PS- I know people actually read this blog because my ticker keeps going up, but I am curious as to who it is.... :- )

Back story: On January 7th I dropped my computer off at Best Buy because my wireless wasn't working. I picked up my computer this past Thursday because they said it was all better. WRONG! I got it home and alas, the wireless still wasn't working. So today I took it back up to Best Buy and the guy was able to fix it in about an hour. Amazing this it was "fixed" and just magically didn't work when I got it home. For the $200 they charged me they were gonna fix it or I was going to raise hell!

Moral of the story, I finally have my computer back! YEA! The Alienware computer I was using (One of Mark's older computers) crapped out on me last night. It has issues with the power cord so I'm so happy I my comp back. What in the world would I do during the day if I didn't have my computer. I also found out that at the end of this year Microsoft is getting rid of Vista and coming out with Windows 7. I sure hope it's better than this vista shit.

So today I broke down and called Dr. Yo ( my amazing doctor of several years whom I trust more than any other doctor and she is also a great family friend who lives down the street from my parents) to try and pick her brain about what happened with our miscarriage. When I saw the OB (he was also pretty great) up here in PA, he thought we were still pregnant since my cervix was closed so I wasn't able to ask him anything about miscarriages.

I have a lot of questions for her, mainly, what are the risk of this happening to us again and also, when can we start trying again. I personally think since we miscarried so early I don't see why we shouldn't be able to try again this month. Had I not taken that pregnancy test on Sunday, we probably would have never known we were pregnant. Some might classify this as a chemical pregnancy, I personally do not since my progesterone was to high for that.

I know personally Mark is ready to start trying again and I must say, I am too. We want a baby, we had a baby, and now we want to try again. Emotionally, every day gets better. Yes, I cried last night, but I think that's totally normal.

I use to question if Mark was 100% on board with having a baby and with loosing the baby last week, I now know he is 110% on board. I asked him last night if he was still sad about what happened and he said yes but he said he is very happy that we get to try again and have things go a different way for us. He's been so great!

Well that's enough for now.

Have a great day!

Today marks the day that our angel has been knowingly gone for us longer than we knew we had her. We knew we had her for four days, and today, she has been gone from us for five days. You might notice that I am calling our angel a "her". No, we didn't have any of the testing done to find out what the sex of the baby was, it just helps me by calling our angel a "her" and not an "it".

Some of my friends have asked if we opted for the testing to figure out what went wrong and my reply to this is no. We have learned, and such is the case with our OBGYN that they like you go through at least one more miscarriage before they test to see what is going on. Sounds lovely right? I wish that I would have been a little more coherent when everything was happening on Wednesday or I would have almost demanded that we have testing done. No woman or family should have to go through this more than once without knowing what happened.

Also, on the basis that I am adopted, all of the millions of questions they ask, "does this run in your family, does this, does this...." I have no answers for. I'm thinking about calling my doctor back in Texas this week and asking her opinion of what she thinks. She's am amazing family friend whom I love to death. I want to know if there are any test we should do, such as low progesterone, that we should do before we try again in March.

Through The Bump pregnancy loss board I have read several stories that ladies had multiple pregnancy losses and all they did was take progesterone and they went on the have a healthy pregnancy. I know I may be jumping the gun since it is very possible that we could get pregnant again and have a perfectly healthy pregnancy and baby, I'm just trying to rule out the chances of having to go through this again.

Well enough about that, I have to make it to the grocery store and beat the church crowd. It's been two weeks since I went and we are out of things in the freezer.

Have a great day.

So on the agenda for today, Mark and I are going up to Homestead to go to that Waterfront. The Waterfront is this really neat open air shopping center that it right on the Monongahela River where there use to be a large coal factory. They tore down the coal factory but left the smoke pipes and that's what they tell you to look for. Any who, we really enjoy going to the Waterfront. A few weeks ago we spent Saturday night at the Dave and Busters and a martini bar at the Waterfront.

Today we are going to do a date night that we actually planned last weekend. We are going to go to Macy's for me to look for a new coat. I looked for one on Thursday and they had hundreds of coats but it was not in the shopping mood. After Macy's, we're going to watch Bride Wars. Yes, Mark is going to see Bride Wars. Why you ask? Because he loves me and he knows it will make me happy. After the movie we will be on our way to P.F. Changs which is by far one of my favorite restaurants and it's been a really long time since I've been. Nothing beats the lettuce wraps and the crispy honey chicken. YUMMY!

Mark and I try to have a nice date every other week and we need it this week more than ever. We have actually been out more this week than normal. We went out Monday night when we were scared we were loosing the pregnancy, and then on Thursday night when we knew we had lost the pregnancy. Sometimes it just helps to get out of the house and be with normal people rather than sitting at the house thinking about what has happened.

Mark didn't get home until almost 5AM this morning. Needless to say he is still sleeping seeing as he had gone to work at 4:30AM yesterday. Oh the life of a engineer in the oil and gas field.

Well I think that's all for now.

Have a great day.

and because it's my blog.....and I may offend some of my readers but do you want to know the worst part of this whole miscarriage....I can't even make love to my husband for another couple of weeks. UGH.

Back to watching the Bachelor from Monday night.

Ugh. I just wrote this long heart felt post and when I went to post it, blogger said there was an error. UGH!!!!!!

Maybe I will try again to post it tomorrow.

For tonight, I miss our baby. I have this empty feeling that I can't explain.

Kate

This is the angel that we got our Angel Baby.

Mark had a sister who died of SIDS at the age of 5 weeks so our Baby Angel is playing with his Angel, his sister Trisha.

When we do have a baby on this Earth, s/he will have Marks sisters middle name.

Today has been a much better day than yesterday and I assume tomorrow will be better then today. I bought a willow angel today to have to remind me of our angel that went to heaven yesterday. (not that I will forget)

I tried to do some retail therapy but come to find out the mall is FULL of pregnant woman and babies. Who would have thought? Well me of course but I never really noticed until now, when I'm super sensitive to it.

Speaking of sensitive, my mother is being SUPER insensitive. This morning I got an e-mail from her of course telling me how sorry she was for us and how sad she was but also that she had called Marks mom to talk to her about what had happened since she needed someone to talk to about what happened. I personally think that she should have called us and asked Mark if it was okay because she doesn't know how Marks mom handles these type of situations. ( I talked with Marks mom today and she said that it was okay that she called and that she was probably going to call her anyways)

When I e-mailed my Mom back I told her that she could tell her best friend about what had happened that way she had someone to talk to. I get an e-mail back from my mom:

"Thank you! I really need someone to talk to. It always makes you feel better after you are able to talk about them."

First of all, who is "them"? And second of all, I hope my mom lets me know when she's done bleeding and she feels all better because that way I will know she's okay. UGH! Are you freaking kidding me? This is coming from a woman who is KNOWN to keep everything inside of her and never talk about anything that is bothering her.

So I talked to my Dad about it and told him that I really hate that my own mother is making MY miscarriage about her! All she wants is someone to say "I'm so sorry for you....I can't imagine what you are going through" As of right now, I don't have anything to talk to her about. When she's done being self-centered (which might be never) maybe I will get over the fact that she's made this situation worse.

Right now I'm waiting on flowers that Marks mom sent me. My mom seeks the sympathy vote, Marks mom sends flowers. Seems a little messed up huh? Once my flowers get here, I'm meeting Mark for drinks. I need a margarita.

Have a great day.

WHAT MAKES A MOTHER?

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today I asked
"What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true "
But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies, When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime, And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb, But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God I want my baby here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat, And then I saw the tear.
"I wish that I could show you, What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile, With all the other children and say... 'We go to Earth to learn our lessons, Of love and life and fear.

My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom, Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quick, My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much, But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep, On her pillow's where I lay I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here.'

"So you see my dear sweet ones, Your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home, And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me, Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother, It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize, Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day And know that you're the best mom!"

It's over.....It was a wonderful 5 weeks and 2 days.

Today is a bad day. It looks like we might be loosing the baby...........

As in my last post, we had five positive test over the weekend. Yesterday I got up and took another test just to ease my mind and it was a super faint positive which freaked me out a bit. I waited a few hours and took a digital test which read "not pregnant."

I immediately freaked and called the doctor and they brought me in for a blood test. They told me I would have the results by yesterday afternoon. Of course, in true medical fashion, they didn't have them.

So last night was filled with lots of tears and panic that something was very wrong. DH was so sweet though, I told him that I hadn't been cramping and didn't "feel" pregnant today. He put his hand on my tummy and said "She's just trying to give mommy a break." Talk about tears!

So I called the Dr. this morning and got the great news I needed. We are still pregnant. It really eases my mind but we still going to be super cautious!

Have a great day!

WHY YES INDEED! We're Pregnant!!!! Holy cow that was fast! Never in a million years would I have thought the first month coming off of the pill and trying we would get pregnant.

I was suppose to start my period on Wednesday and Wednesday came and went with nothing....Test on Thursday and it was super negative. I told Mark that I would wait to test until Sunday morning because we are going out tonight and I wanted to know if I could drink or not. So yesterday we bought three test (all the same kind) and last night around 9:00PM I had this strange urge to take a test. I knew that it was stupid since I had been drinking a ton of water and the odds were not in my favor.

So I take the test, wait a minute or so....negative. No shocker there. I came back about 7 minutes later, looked at the test, moved it around to try and see a line and there it was, faint as faint could be, a little pink line. So I call Mark into the kitchen to see if he can see it. Well of course, he can't. So all last night I was giddy and trying not to get to excited about it.

This morning I got up at 7AM, went downstairs, took another test, and a pink line showed up about 3 minutes after I took the test. Just to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks, I took one more. Positive. Holy cow!

So I take my happy butt to Wal*Mart at 7:30 to get a digital just to make sure and another brand of test because for all I know, mine a defective. Come home, test on the digital and the most amazing word I have ever seen showed up. Pregnant!

I ran upstairs and told Mark that since he couldn't see the lines, maybe he could read the word.

We are so excited but also very nervous.

I told my parents this morning and we will wait a few days to tell his. We are going to wait until the first appt. to friends and then after we hear a heart beat to tell everyone else.

This is my great news for 2009!

Have a great day!

That's all it has done today, SNOW! And on top of that, it was a whole 9 degrees today. Sound lovely? We probably have a solid 5 inches of snow on the ground. It's super pretty to look at. I'm so glad that I don't have to go out in it though. We drove over the Cabela's in West Virginia today and roads weren't to great this afternoon so I can only imagine what they are now.

So last night after I posted that I wasn't invited to go out with the guys, Mark called and I was invited. I met him, Eric, Steve, and Sean up at Auggies. We ended up being out till 1am! Then, we met Sean this morning at 8AM for breakfast. Needless to say we have been dragging a bit today. Mark stayed home so that was nice to have him here today with me.

In bigger news, I'm really trying hard not to get my hopes up but good ol' aunt flow should have been here today....and she is no where to be found....This makes it a 31 day cycle. I'm trying not to get my hopes up because lets face it, the odds are not in my favor seeing as a person has a 20% chance every month but there is a chance. If she doesn't rear her ugly face tonight, I will be testing in the morning! Fingers and toes crossed!

I'm off to watch American Idol. I love the audition shows. It just proves how crazy people are!

My blog counter is all messed up and I can't seem to fix it. It's really starting to peeve me.

Also, Mark is out to dinner with his boss and Eric so I'm home alone. I'm kinda sad I didn't even get an invite to go. I know it's a "business" thing but oh well, I'll live.

I had a great dinner last night with Samantha. We are going to go to downtown Pittsburgh on Sunday night to watch the game. It should be fun. I'm really pulling for a Pennsylvania Superbowl because it's on my birthday this year as it is every couple of years!

I bought a new ski jacket today for my awesome ski trip coming up. Nothing like living a hour from the mountains! Oh wait, I live on the side of a mountain!

That's about all I have today....oh and tomorrow is the big day!!!!

I can't believe that we are already 12 days into the new year! It has gone by so fast. Mark and I have been home now for a week and it has been so nice to get back to normal! Our sleeping and eating patterns were so crazy over the Christmas/New Years break.

This past week and weekend I have been nesting big time! In a couple of weeks two of my best friends are coming up to visit for my birthday so I figured it was time to get things in gear with the house. I finally feel like our house in presentable! When you have three floors to decorate it takes a lot out of you! (I will post updated pictures when I get my computer back)

This weekend Mark and I went with Eric to go bowling and weren't able to do that because the leagues were coming in so we went to Dave and Busters. We had a blast! One of the girls that Eric is sorta dating met us and we ended up staying out till after 2am! It's been a long time since we have been out so late. We spent a ton of money but had a great time!

Sunday was a very nice and relaxing day! I laid on the couch and watched Lifetime most of the day. It was super nice!

Tonight I am going to dinner with Samantha and I'm super excited! I love girl time! Plus, we are going to Olive Garden when I know isn't really that big of a deal, but there aren't that many up here so it's been a while since I've had OG. The girls at work and I use to go all the time! Yummy!

On the baby making front, AF should be here on Wednesday. I've tested and it's still negative. I don't feel very positive about this month but we will see what happens. I know the luck that Mark and I have and the odds that we get pregnant on the first try is slim to none! Now, if I were 14, in high school, and had had sex in the back of a car, I would being pregnant no doubt!

Have a great day!

It has been ages since I've posted and I must say I had to really get myself back into it. I mean it has been two weeks now!

We had a great Christmas/New Years holiday. Christmas was very different this year. Mark came in on Christmas Eve around 8:00PM and we had Christmas with his parents and spent the whole day with them until they dropped us off at the airport on Friday morning for our 8AM flight to St. Louis for my Uncles funeral.

We were in St. Louis until Sunday night and it was nice to see all of the family but not under the circumstances. I had to sing at the funeral and I was so nervous! It was the first time I have ever sang in front of Mark. It went well though and my Aunt really liked it.

We came back Sunday night and my mom and I spent Monday shopping and finishing Christmas shopping. Our Christmas was good with my family. We gotta lot of great things!

New Years eve was spent at my parents house with my parents, Marks parents, Nick, Ryan and James. It was nice! We stayed up till 3:00AM!

New Years day we went bowling and had a blast! I really suck but Mark is super good. He is even thinking about joining a bowling league. Bowling is a huge thing here in Pennsylvania.

We went to the cotton bowl but that didn't go so well at all.

On Saturday we flew back to PA and I must say it is nice to be back here and back in our own element.

On the baby making front, this is our first month really trying and it has gone well. If I have learned one thing from this is that i am not patient at all! I just want to know now if we are pregnant! I still have to wait a few more days though. I'm pretty sure we didn't get pregnant this month but who knows!

My good friend Holli who got married at the end of September is pregnant. I'm so happy for her! She is due on August 16th and I could not be more excited for her. Our time will come!

I will update more later!

Have a great day!