The Life of a Newly Wed

I'm nervous. I'm not sure why but I am. I want a baby. Mark wants a baby. I have this horrible fear that I will not be able to give that to him. I thought I was doing better emotionally but that all came crashing down last night. While we were laying in bed I just lost it. I'm suppose to be 10 weeks pregnant and almost into the second trimester and where do I sit now, on the bench just waiting.

I am praying that I will ovulate around the same time as I did last month. (the days in Feb and March are the same on the calendar, ie, the 1st is a Sunday) so there for I should ovulate next Tuesday or Wednesday which is great because that's right before I leave for my trip. I am going to have to make sure that I sleep during this trip because I think that really messed my body up this past month. Mark wasn't home this past month on the day I ovulated and I pulled two all nighters and I think that messed me up. I have already told myself that I will be using Tylenol PM on the plane to Lisbon.

There is nothing more heart breaking to have one of the strongest men in my life tell me how much he wants a baby and I know that I was not able to keep what he wanted. I really do blame myself a lot for what happened. I know that in theory that is very unlikely but I still can't help but feel guilty.

Well I'm going to finish watching The Bachelor. Have a good night.

Kate