The Life of a Newly Wed

DH's best friend is driving me up the f*in wall!!!!!! Come on noon tomorrow so I can drop his ass off at the airport and not have to see him for another 6 months.....I may punch him in the face tonight if he's a dick like he was last night.

That is all for now. I had to get that off my chest.

I'm nervous. I'm not sure why but I am. I want a baby. Mark wants a baby. I have this horrible fear that I will not be able to give that to him. I thought I was doing better emotionally but that all came crashing down last night. While we were laying in bed I just lost it. I'm suppose to be 10 weeks pregnant and almost into the second trimester and where do I sit now, on the bench just waiting.

I am praying that I will ovulate around the same time as I did last month. (the days in Feb and March are the same on the calendar, ie, the 1st is a Sunday) so there for I should ovulate next Tuesday or Wednesday which is great because that's right before I leave for my trip. I am going to have to make sure that I sleep during this trip because I think that really messed my body up this past month. Mark wasn't home this past month on the day I ovulated and I pulled two all nighters and I think that messed me up. I have already told myself that I will be using Tylenol PM on the plane to Lisbon.

There is nothing more heart breaking to have one of the strongest men in my life tell me how much he wants a baby and I know that I was not able to keep what he wanted. I really do blame myself a lot for what happened. I know that in theory that is very unlikely but I still can't help but feel guilty.

Well I'm going to finish watching The Bachelor. Have a good night.

Kate

What a good weekend it has been! Friday night Mark and I had Eric over and I cooked a very yummy meal consisting of grilled chicken, fresh green beans and herb red potatoes. It was so very very yummy! We watched Dangerous Bangkok which was an okay movie.

This is Lisbon, Portugal.

This is Seville, Spain.

I'm so excited to go. I have never been overseas so this will be a first for me. The weather is going to be in the 60's in the days and 50's at night so it will be beautiful!

The only draw back to the trip is that we leave on the 5th which is the day I'm suppose to ovulate. Guess we'll just have to get up really early that morning.

Have a great day!

So I found out through the grapevine today that the CBS station I worked for in Dallas has flipped formats and a lot of good people are out of a job. I feel really bad for these people because the radio/TV world is such a hard world to get a job in and these people will probably have a really hard time finding a new job. When I worked for the station, they were struggling but I figured since they had just celebrated their 2 year anniversary, things were going better.

Tonight Eric is coming over and I'm grilling chicken, making home made green beans and baked red potatoes with herbs...Yummy! Then tomorrow night I'm going out with Candice (a girl that Eric is sorta dating) for dinner, shopping, and a Sing Sing which is a dueling piano bar. It will be fun!

now why I was on the pill. HOLY HELL CRAMPS! It's currently 4AM and I have been up about half an hour or so and I finally came downstairs because Mark has a full day of meetings tomorrow so I don't want him to be tired for that. When I went to bed last night I knew AF had arrived and even made a comment to Mark that I should have taken some Tylenol. Man am I eating my words now.

I need my Naproxen Sodium! Guess what I don't have.....my Naproxen Sodium. When I was in HS I had cramps so bad I would have to stay home from school. I'm thinking that if I can't hack cramps I will never be able to hand being pregnant.

I was a little sad last night that we didn't get pregnant this month but at the same time we weren't technically suppose to try so I will feel much better about next month.

Well I'm going to finish watching Toddlers and Tiaras. This show kills me.

Have a good one.

I WILL NEVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER BUY ANOTHER HOUSE FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mark and I are still trying to sell our house in Ft. Worth and we have an amazing new realtor who happens to be a great family friend. Here's the problem. Mark and I are going to loose about $10,000 when we finally do sell it and there are 17 houses for sale in our neighborhood. Our neighborhood only has about 50 houses in it. UGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

This economy can suck it!

Okay, bitter rant over. Now, Mark and I are going to test drive a Tahoe because we are part of the population that is stimulating the economy due to Mark's great job. We are blessed.

I have been super sad today and I'm pretty sure it's because I have gotten 4 negative test and I think AF is well on her way. I really really wanted a Halloween baby...or hell...just a baby in general. I keep trying to stay positive but I should have had a positive by now, or so I would have thought.

I have some of the some symptoms as last month but I'm sure it's just my head being really mean. Ugh. Come on positive or AF. I'm driving myself nuts.

Hae a great day.